a tighter focus
in keeping with the general theme of change as of late, and how everyone else/ yourself, changes/doesn't change, and for the good/bad; i'm going to go in on a little tighter focus by using this logic on myself. if i am completely honest with myself, i have changed minimally in some respects in the last five years, and a lot of it not for the good. i have grown up a lot in the last five years, but in that have lost a lot of sweet innocence i had. recognizing that perhaps it is you that has changed for the worst is a difficult thing to do. looking at someone you knew in middle school and seeing the look in their eyes that asks what happened to her is not fun. not at all. at the same time you see that question, you want to just scream "a hell of a lot" i sometimes think that seeing someone who is basically the same person you knew, while you look at each other with new eyes is a harrowing experience and you ask yourself if your cynicism is showing. all the naivete on your part is gone, too much as happened to have rose glasses, yet it is still obvious that for them everything still has a pink tint. i accept that in the last five years i have alternated between an arrogant, self righteous bitch and a effacious, facetious, bitch, but the fact that i accept it is the difference.
People change...damn
As an only child, I had no brother's or sister to amuse and annoy the hell out of me, so I had to settle for cousins (which I had in abdundance). Throughout almost all of my childhood my best playmate and co-conspirator was my cousin Brett. Though looking back I can see that a fair amount of what constituted fun for him was abuse for me, but in general we had good times. being very rough and tumble kids, we thrived on fairly violent make believe games where we were secret agents and arianna was either a comrade or enemy, either way we attacked. Most of our playtime was spent charging up and down the stairs to the basement/video game room/ gym (that was a bad idea for my aunt and uncle to set us up in a place where there was heavy equipment and moving parts), and it remained that way until we were about thirteen. By seventh grade, the first signs of Heather's punk rock rebellion were being to show and the therapy had begun to take effect and Brett changed school's to a more local school called Brentwood School. Within the space of six months I was no longer the skinny cousin who freaking rocked but the poor cousin who lived out in nowhere and couldn't buy nice things. About this time I had finally finished putting on the fifteen pounds ordered by my doctor, parents and therapist and could be considered almost normal, but to Brett was now fat, which was probably the worst thing to tell me at this time. From then on all signs of the fun-loving, sweet, curly-haired little boy who always had a scrape somewhere and couldn't wait for us to hang out and explore was gone. In his place was an arrogant, pseudo-suave guy who spent high school going to parties, screwing school and didn't deam anyone outside of his group. After years of trying I simply have given up, and that hurts me to say because as anyone who knows me will agree, I don't give up ever.
People change....damn
wanna know how i know you're gay....
(i saw you make spinach dip in a bread bowl and you macrame'ed yourself a pair jean shorts)
i believe that you cannot judge a book by the cover (unless it's a hardcore romnace novel when the shirtless man cradling a listless woman is a big hint) but i believe you can tell a lot about a person based on their music and literature selection. as i write this i am listening to josh's ipod, and though he makes a valid excuse that he is missing a large portion of his music due to an unfortunate argument with itunes that his computer won, what is interesting that is that the first music he chose to restore was all the broadway show tunes. and though he claims that the shuffle is retarded and only plays a few albums, the fact is he has many albums, but they re all bootlegs of the same thing. though there is nothing wrong with being particular in your music selection, if were a random person on the street i could probably get a pretty good character analysis just from his music selection. the heavy amount of broadway would suggest a heavy theatre or gay influence (and this is not stereotyping, stereotypes are nothing more than what is true about people that you are afraid to say) with a deep respect and need for approval for your parents by the large amounts of queen and eric clapton, as they are not typical teenage choices. as a child you are kinda forced to listen to your parent's music, choosing to put their music on your ipod when you are older just makes you feel that there was a deeper relationship.
I wonder what someone thinks when they play my mo3 player if they didn't know me already. The large amount of indie rock, country, stand-up comedy and euro techno pop does suggest the possibity of multiple personalities.
my cousin alena said that the only way to judge someone's personality is through what books they bring with them to college. at home there is all the room in the world for books, but at college you have a shared 15x15 square to store, so choices must be made. i am just going through my list that i will bring with me to school and i know i am going to have to edite it. anna karenina, lolita, under the marble sky, perks, devil wears prada, breaking point, and....i need to go and make a list
Beneath the bridge of corporate sighs
so finally..the final third of the trio is posting her foray's into intellectualism, sarcasm and biting wit....we hope. for any poor people that might actually be reading this blog, i hope you are doing it as i am. there should be rules about when you are best able to appreciate us. i tend to prefer the "extending your lunch hour at work by eating at your desk and having many important looking files on your desk open as you write things down hurriedly that are actually alkaline trio lyrics translated into spanish as you actually read this blog. another way to read this blog, and another personal favorite of a few of us here, is after midnight when you have had one or two (or five) too many guinesses, wine spritzers or juiced rootbeer floats and the cellphone and a horrific ex's number is beckoning you....let the fact that we can't get any stop you from getting any...
...later that day....as i grow older and at least pretend to mature, i am now fully aware that the vast majority of the worl are idiots. I always recognized the slower kids when i was in elementary school, but i naively assumed that slower kids would catch up. after being in a corporate office for short while, i realize that those dumb ass kids in school merely grew up to be dumbass adults
who then proceed to force their dumb-ass-ness on the world. here's a great example; i got an email from an assistant manager from one of our stores (granted he is from texas and i do work for jiffy lube) asking how much vacation time he had left. i can let it slide that it is a well known company fact that vacation starts accruing after 6 months and he just got hired 2 months ago..thats an almost honest mistake. but what is unforgivable is that he spelled manager as
"manijor" yes....that is letter for letter what i got on my email. if he was a few letters of i could have written it off as an honest typing mistake, this story is probably full of them, but he spelled it phonetically as i might have done in the early years of my education. there are many other little things that just remind me of the slow drainage of IQ points occuring throughout society , such as when someone is asked of a list employee's for filing W-4 forms, the logical idea would be to give them that list in alphabetical order, but instead i spent 3 hours searching through 10 pages of random names.
i leave you with heather's impression of the day: we are messing with evolution and basic instinct of survival of the fittest. the kid who driks the stuff under the sink is not supposed to have kids. drano is darwin's weeder, disposing of those who possess undesirable characteristics..
